What it Means
by Danicherie13
Summary: <html><head></head>What does it mean to be a mage? A champion? A friend? A lover? These questions have never concerned Luna Hawke. But it seems over time she'll find the answers, whether she likes it or not. A Hawke/Fenris fic</html>
1. What it Means

_So here's my DA2 Fic! ^_^ It features my mage Luna Hawke and all her random ventures, and events, as well as her relationship with her companion Fenris. This story takes place shortly after Act 2 and continues on. So if you haven't played or gotten this far in the game yet there maybe a few spoilers..._

* * *

><p>"Sweet holy Maker! It's colder than a witch's tit out here! Present company excluded…although." I whisper to myself through clenched teeth, wrapping myself tighter in my cloak<em>. <em>

_Xander you've pick a hell of a time to want to go to the bathroom. _

My mabari however does not share my plight and bounds up the courtyard searching for a decent area of relief.

_Maybe he'll make this quick so I can get back to my wine and warm fire...mmm._

I'm so wound up in the thought that I hardly notice the figure approaching me. Within seconds my strength is drained from my body. My legs give out and I fall to my knees. I grasp at my chest; I can barely breathe. It feels like I'm being crushed. I attempt a spell but there is nothing, my mana is gone. Indescribable panic sets in.

_A Templar! Why now?_

I hear Xander's bark and the Templar's laugh. My fear turns into anger.

_Carver!_

He is still laughing as he tries to help me up. I push him away. I feel the need to hit him, but he puts his hands up in surrender.  
>"Calm down sister, it was only meant to be a joke."<br>My fists are so tight it hurts. "To the Void with you Carver Hawke, there is nothing funny about that!"  
>Anger slowly fades as I cross my arms delivering him an icy glare.<br>"So what, have you come to check up on me Templar?"  
>He returns my inquiry with hostility. "Don't call me that!"<br>My glare continues as I walk over to him. "Well that is what you are? Unless there is another title you've picked up that I'm not aware of."  
>His eyes narrowed. "You always have to hassle me, don't you? You can't see that this is what I had to do?"<br>I can't believe what I'm hearing. "You could have done anything else. The actual question is, did you really do it to help or was it just out of spite?"  
>He becomes less irritated but still defensive. "Maybe it was little of both. You're the one who left me here without even a real reason."<br>I bring my hands to my hips. I realize I must look so much like mother right now, trying to reason with Carver like she used to.  
>"I had already failed Bethany, I couldn't fail you too."<br>He shakes his head, still not listening. "We both knew the dangers, but you still left me behind." His cold glare returns. "Now look at you. I would give anything to have what you have; to be the Champion."

_And there it is._

There is so much desire to slap that look from his face "Do you even know what that means?" I finally give up. "Fine you go off and do life threating quests that keeps a roof over our heads, be at the whim of the Viscount and the guard, and try to pacify the Qunari all while trying to keep the Templars and mages from starting an all-out war. But in the end, it doesn't matter how hard you've fought cause everything ends up going to shit anyway!"  
>I look down at my shaking hands. I don't know if it from the cold or just pure frustration.<br>"I have so much blood on my hands it's sickening. And it doesn't make it any better that I'm a mage. Sometimes it's equally a curse as it is a gift."  
>He turns away from me, but I grab him by the shoulders and make him face me.<br>"I'm sorry if you think I'm making your life difficult, and I'm sorry for Bethany and mother. There should have been more I could have done. I have so many possibilities running in my head, but none will bring them back."  
>Carver looked as if he were going to say something, but couldn't find the words.<br>I walk over to an archway and press my back into it. Somehow cold stone feels warmer than the hostile air between us. "Look, if I could switch places with you I would, but I would not want to wish my life on anyone I love."

He rolls his eyes at the word 'love'. Maker he _is_ stubborn! I walk over to him again and clasp my fingers round the back of his neck. I smile and give him a good shake.  
>"Yes Carver you may be an annoying, complaining pain in my ass, but I still love you. Since the first day you looked up and smiled at me."<br>His eyes finally meet mine. At least he looked like he was listening, so I continue.  
>"You do not want this life. With the title comes great responsibility and even greater danger. I would not want you to suffer as I suffer."<br>I truly hope he understood my words without his hard head getting in the way. I let him go then playfully nudge him with my shoulder and laugh.  
>"Besides you would also inherit my love life, and I don't think Anders is your type."<br>His face twists in confusion. "Anders? I thought you and that broody elf."  
>"Fenris? He hates mages. Besides I don't think he wants to see me anymore." The memory of that night lingers in my mind as I look up into the night sky. I try to shake it away, but it always returns. I attempt to shrug it off. "It's not like Anders and I have done anything, but I don't know."<br>Carver puts his hands up, signaling me to stop. "Anyway, I've seen the way he looks at you. He may hate mages, but he certainly doesn't hate you." He puts his arm around my shoulder and gives me a squeeze. "It's hard not to love you."  
>It's strange; this closeness is foreign to us, but after all that's happened, it's what we need. "Thank you Carver, it feels nice to get all this emotion off my chest."<br>He shrugged. "Hey, someone has to keep you in check. If not me then the world as we know it is doomed."  
>I push him away. "Ugh don't you have somewhere to be, some abominations to uncover?"<br>"Why do you think I'm here?" He laughs.  
>For the first time I have no comeback. I only frown and glare at him while he laughs in triumph.<br>"I should go. Will you be alright?"  
>I wave him off. "It's ok; I'm actually waiting for someone." I look over and notice a familiar shadow coming up the walkway.<br>Carver flashes me a sly smile and nods. "I see, please say no more. Good night sister."  
>"Sleep well Carver." I make my way back to the estate. Xander runs ahead to greet the visitor, which takes him by surprise. I try not to laugh when I finally reach them. "There you are. I almost thought you wouldn't come." I take his hand, leading him inside.<br>Before I close the door I feel eyes upon me. I take a quick glance outside. All I see is cold air and an empty courtyard. I dismiss it as my own paranoia and go back inside. Little did I know my actions tonight would not go unnoticed.


	2. Wicked Game

_Part two of What it Means. Fenris suspects foul play... Little side note: Luna and Isabela have little pet names Lu/Lulu and Is/Izzy...so creative I know. :-p_

* * *

><p>Oh Wicked Grace has never been this awkward. Certain nights I come in it's just Varric, Isabela and I. Tonight however, Anders and Fenris decided to join the game. Not only that but I have the pleasure of sitting in-between them. I'm at the head of the table; Fenris is at the bench to my right side, and Anders at my left. Varric is next to Fenris, Isabela by Anders.<br>After a good hour of semi silent playing, Anders decides to talk, and I regret he ever did.  
>He periodically looks over at Fenris. "You know, I can't imagine what Hawke sees in you."<p>

_Maker, you've got to be kidding me._

Fenris won't return his glances. "It is done. Leave it be." His voice is so callous. I try to focus on my cards and not on his tone.  
>Anders smirks at the answer. "Well, good I always knew she had some sense." He tries to send me a sly smile but ignore his gesture.<p>

_Why are you doing this?_

Fenris scowls at the mage. "Do not make light of this. Leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done."  
>Now, Isabela decides to chime in. "Will you two get over yourselves? You're like two dogs around a bitch in heat."<br>Fenris lays down his cards. "We're talking about Hawke, not you." The pirate only rolls her eyes, but I can't take anymore.  
>"You know I would really appreciate if you all didn't talk like I wasn't at least two feet away from you." I still can't bring my eyes to Fenris, but I have to ask.<br>"And if it was the hardest thing you ever done why do it in the first place?"  
>He refuses to look at me. "You wouldn't understand."<br>I place my hands on the table and stand up. "How can I understand if you don't tell me? Why can't anyone tell me anything?" I try to be as quiet as possible to not draw too much attention to the table. My first victim is Anders. "You won't tell me more about your 'Mage revolution' regardless of the fact that I'm a Mage." then Isabela, "You wouldn't tell me about the relic." finally Fenris, "And you... Well, you won't really tell me anything." He looks away in frustration.  
>"It seems the only person that's full of bullshit but at least lets me in on it is Varric!"<br>I get a short chuckle from him, but there's hardly anything funny about this.  
>"Enough of this, I'm going home. Is, you still owe me. I may be upset but I'm not going to forget those three sovereigns.<br>"Oh, goody." She says, taking a sip of her whiskey.  
>"You want me to walk you home Hawke?" Varric looks a bit concerned.<br>I sigh and shake my head. "No thanks I have my dog with me, I'll be fine."  
>"Hmph, which one?" Anders mutters under his breath.<br>"Anders!" My eyes grew wide knowing that this won't end well, but then again it didn't start out well.  
>Fenris bursts from his seat, "That's it Mage!"<br>Anders follows suit. "Good, it's about time!"  
>My jaw clenches and I bring my hands to my temples. This has all gone too far.<br>"Enough!"  
>In one swift burst I manage to separate them. Unfortunately, both men are also on the ground, looking up at me in shock along with the rest of the patrons.<br>I look at both of them and shake my head. "I'm done."  
>I whistle for Xander and leave the tavern.<p>

I'm at my desk with a bottle of wine, writing about tonight's interesting confrontation. There's a knock at my door. Bodahn tells me I have a visitor, also that he and Sandal is taking Xander for a walk.

_Andraste's ass, now what?_

I walk out to the balcony to see my guest. It's Fenris and somehow he looks angrier then when I left. No wonder they took the dog out.  
>I sigh and make my way down the stairs. "I told the both of you I was done. Why-"<br>He rushes towards me, his eyes filled with anger.  
>"Why are you with him? You could be with anyone else, why him?"<br>I back away from him confused. "Who are you even talking about?"  
>"That Mage?" The venom that carried in the word Mage was potent.<br>"Anders? I'm not with him." I declare, crossing my arms.  
>"Don't lie to me Hawke, I saw him come in here." He starts to point at me then to the door. The more he talks the more irritated he becomes.<br>"When did you-" Then everything falls into place. My eyes narrow on the elf. "You? You were watching me a few nights ago weren't you?"  
>He turns away from me. "I wanted to talk to you but I saw your brother, I didn't want to intrude." His voice and face became harsh again. "Then I saw him and heard your laughter, so I left."<br>I look away. I can't defend that, I feel so stupid. Maker what have I done? What have we done? We've made ourselves crazy over this and for no reason.  
>"Well he's not here and I don't think he'll be back."<br>He shakes his head, doubtful. "But I saw-"  
>"Yes, you saw him walk through my door, but not how he left." I turn away from him and try to direct my attention to the fireplace. "Keep in mind I thought this was what you wanted; what I wanted. You said you wanted space, I gave you space." I turn around and I'm surprised to see how close he is to me now. His stare is intense and catches me off guard. My eyes dart away from his glance.<br>"He called you a beast. I couldn't just let him talk about you like that. I told he had no idea what he was talking about, among other things, and asked him to leave."  
>"Really?" He brings his hand to his chin thinking. Everything is still a little clouded, but he looks somewhat pleased with that outcome.<br>"Yes really." I start fumbling with my fingers. "Look, I'm sorry about what I said in the Hanged Man. You have told me things that must have been very hard to talk about, and I appreciate that you've put your trust in me." There is so much desire to reach out to him. However, I know the time isn't right. I wonder when it ever will be, but that decision is not in my hands. There is a moment of uneasy silence accompanied by awkward glances across the room.  
>My eyes drift down to his wrist. A familiar object brings a smile to my face.<br>"It's funny you talking asking for distance yet you still have my scarf on your wrist."  
>He gives me a hurt look, but extends his hand out to me. "If you wish it back, it is yours."<br>I take his hand in my own looking down at the wrapped scarf. "No, I will always stand by my favor, as well as the man wearing it."  
>He pulls me in and holds me. My arms wrap around his neck and I feel complete again. Sharp gauntlets gently scratch at my lower back sending tiny tremors throughout my body. He bows his head and our foreheads touch. We stand there and enjoy the quiet for a while, but I decide to break the silence. "So does this mean the break's off?" I give a hopeful smile.<br>He softly chuckles pulling me closer. "For the most part." His lips brush mine but he pulls away and smirks. His eyes show his intent though his body won't heed it.

_Bloody Void, why are you doing this to me?_

My body is screaming for him but we both know Bodahn and Sandal could return at any time. We release our hold and Fenris walks over to the door with me in tow.  
>"So," I start to say.<br>He stops, waiting for me to continue.  
>"Wicked Grace at your place tomorrow night?" I ask with a coy smirk.<br>He opens the door, looks over his shoulder and smiles. "As you wish." He whispers as he walks out into the night air.


	3. Tempting

_Part 3...Lu and Izzy have a little girl talk... Note: If you ever head over to and check out Aimo's DA art, you'll probably pick up the book reference here. :-p _

* * *

><p><em>I love it when the house is quiet.<em>

The pleasant thought drifts through my head as I'm looking through some books in the study.

_Let's see, what am I in the mood for? The Pursuit of Knowledge, boring. Hard in Hightown, no thank you. What's thi- Anders manifesto? I thought I used all these to start the firewood. Oh well more starters a guess. Wait, what do we have here?_

My fingers trace the spine of a book I never noticed before. The Stone Heartbreaker? It looks…interesting to say the least. For some reason I feel the need to check my surroundings. Knowing that the coast is clear, and feeling a bit foolish, I grab the book and make my way back to my room.

I look up from the stairs and notice my door swinging. I don't have a window open so I know it's no draft. My hand tightens into a fist of energy as I cautiously walk up the stairs. I stop at the door, trying my best to calm my nerves and focus. I push the door with one hand while trying to concentrate on the other. I slowly walk into the room, my eyes searching every corner. I make it to the middle of the room but I don't see anyone. The creek of the door closing catches me off guard. I have no time to react before the intruder grabs my wrist and pulls it behind my back. I try to fight them off with the other but I'm greeted with a dagger to my neck. I stop struggling, and the prowler finally speaks.  
>"You even think about anything Mage, and I'll slit your throat." The grip gets tighter on my wrist and the blade. Eventually I release the spell and scoff. "You know Is, it's not a bad thing to knock once and awhile." Isabela laughs as she frees her grip. "Where's the fun in that." I shake my head and calm my racing heart.<p>

"You really need to relax Lu." She stretches, looking very proud at her achievement. She walks over to my bed and sits down. She's surprised at how soft it is, and puts both arms up falling back into the soft feathery blankets. "Ah, this is nice you know. Still, not as nice as a ship cabin, but still…" Her voice trails off when see spots something on the desk. "What is that?"  
>I turn to see what she was referring to. "Oh, that's just something Avilene picked up while in Orlais." I lean back on my dresser. "I've been meaning to put it in the study; try and save it for a special occasion maybe."<br>Isabela glides over to the desk intrigued. "Antivan brandy, Starkhaven scotch, oh Rivaini whiskey." Her curiosity piques as she studies the tray. "Seems that ginger prude really knows her stuff, surprising."  
>I can only shake head at the comment. "You know, I really wish you two could get along"<br>Isabela sighs running her fingers across the bottle of brandy. "Well I could…if she wasn't such a bitch." She laughs as she opens the bottle and takes a generous swig. "Mmm, that_ is_ good!" She offers the bottle to me, but I refuse, to which she rolls her eyes. "Oh come on. Live a little." She persists. "There's no one here and what's one bottle going to hurt?"  
>I gaze at the bottle which was looking more and more enticing by the second. "All right, but not the whole bottle." I take the bottle, and bring it to my lips. "I would like to have something left after." I mutter under my breath before taking a sip of brandy. It hits me like a mind blast and slowly drifts throughout my body.<br>Isabela smiles with pride. "That's my girl."

Well after few hours, and with still half a bottle of brandy remaining, we decide to retire from the tray and move on to wine. With our best effort we manage to sneak up three bottles from the cellar. However considering that there was really no one else in the house it wasn't really sneaking. We haul our treasure to my room and take a seat on the floor at the end of the bed. Since we're alone, drink coursing through us. Isabela finds it's the perfect time for 'girl talk'  
>"So you never really told me about you and Fen." She looks far too excited to chat about this subject.<br>"Well Is, if you really must know." I lean in closer, my voice drawing a whisper. "There's nothing to tell."  
>"C'mon Lulu." She cooed. "Relaying intimate details about ones love life is what friends are for."<br>I throw my head back and laugh. I take another sip of my wine, and shake my head. "Isabela, there is no amount of wine in Thedas is going to make me talk."  
>She pouts and huffs at me, but then a scheming smirk curls onto her mouth.<br>"You should know I have ways of persuasion."  
>"I'm sure you do." I chuckle, oblivious to the pirate's shadow upon me, but it was too late. Isabela pounces like a jungle cat, pinning me to the floor.<br>"Isabela! What are you-" Shock turns to hilarity as I feel fingers softly digging into my sides.  
>"ISABELA!" I buck and squirm beneath her gasping for breath in between bouts of laughter. "Please! You'll spill the wine!" But my cries are ignored. I think I'll die right here and now if she doesn't let go. The assault lasted mere minutes, but it was enough for me as I admit my loss. "O.K., O.K, you win." I stop fighting back and give in.<br>Isabela relents, and her hands cautiously back away. "So, are you willing to talk?"  
>I take a minute to regain my breath and my thoughts. My eyes dart away in defeat, but I peer back with a victorious gleam in my eyes. "Never!" With a roar I tackle Isabela, and began dishing out the same manner of torture.<br>In a matter of minutes the debacle escalated and both of us are rolling on the floor giggling like children. In the mist of it all clothing is pulled; hair becoming a mess.  
>Unfortunately, in the end Isabela has me pinned, and is holding me fast by the wrists. We lay there; legs and arms entangled clothes loose and disheveled. Our breathing was heavy between moments of amusement. Then something occurs I didn't expect.<br>"Did you ever think that if you and Fen weren't...? Do you think we could ever...?  
>I look up at her with wide eyes as if seeing her for the first time. It seems she's changed. She is no longer the uninhibited, fiery person I thought I knew, but a sweet, gentle spirit before me.<br>"Izzy..." My voice trails off, and I feel heat rushing to my cheeks.  
>Isabela remains silent sweeping her hand across my forehead, brushing away the tousled hair, and finally resting it on my blushed cheek.<p>

We are too preoccupied in our own little world to notice the figure in the doorway.  
>The unexpected cough alarm us. I try to look up as best as I can. I see Fenris standing there leaning in the doorway.<br>"H-How long have you been there?" I ask with a half-smile. I'm still trying to wiggle my way out from Isabela's grasp, but it's no use.  
>"Long enough." He crosses his arms and frowns. "Is there something you need to say Hawke?" he sounds annoyed, but I ccan see the smile behind his eyes.<br>Isabela and I look at each other, and then set our sights towards Fenris.  
>I reach over and grab a bottle of wine, and present it to him as an offering. "Care to join us?" I nervously chuckle.<br>Fenris raises his eyebrow with intrigue, gazing between the both of us.  
>"I thought you'd never ask."<br>He says with a smile, slowly closing the door behind him.


	4. Choosing Sides

_Luna and Fenris have a little discussion...good things I hope...  
>Thank you for reading andor making it a favorite! :-D_

* * *

><p>"We need to talk about this Hawke." Aveline paces in frustration in front of the fireplace. I shake my head in protest. "I'd rather not." I'm sitting at my desk, going through any messages I've missed while away. It's been a few months since the conflict between the mages and Templars really started to escalate. From the messages I've been receiving, both sides are requesting my help. I hate choosing sides, but I hate having to deny my help…and coin more.<p>

I push my chair away from the table, rubbing my temples. These kinds of discussions annoy me to no end. With a heavy sigh, I look to Aveline. "What will you have me do?"  
>She finally faces me. "I would hope that you would stand with Carver and me on this." She looks convinced in this but I look at her dumbfounded. "You mean side with the Templars? The same people that have been going against Chantry law turning almost every mage they see as a threat tranquil? Who have been ordered to murder any mage that even dare think of escaping the Gallows even if they willingly give themselves up?"<br>"I'm standing right here!" Carver voice interjected. He had been leaning in the doorway since Aveline arrived. No doubt he also wants me to take his side 'for once' he might add. "I'm well aware, brother." I respond with just as much hostility. From the corner of my eye I see Bodahn walk to the door.

_Hmm I guess I didn't hear the knock._

I let the matter go for now, since the Captain and the Templar are heatedly requesting a decision from me. "Aveline I…" I'm cut off by Bodahn entering the room. "Beggin' your pardon mistress, but messare Fenris is requesting an audience. Also would it be alright if the boy and I make a trip to the Gallows?"  
>I tilt my head puzzled. "Isn't it a little late?" I haven't really caught up with the time since I've been back, but it must be late afternoon by now.<br>"Oh, we'll be back before sundown. Sandal just needs some little things for some of his enchantments"  
>"Enchantment!" Sandal exclaims.<br>It's curious but I've seen Sandal's work before, he is nowhere near defenseless as people think and his enchainment are quite useful. "Alright just be careful."  
>"Much obliged." He smiles as he turns to leave with Sandal beaming beside him.<br>I stand up and look to Aveline again. "If you would please excuse me..."  
>She narrows her eyes at me. "We're not done with this." With that, she takes her cheery disposition out the door.<br>"Now why would I think that?" I smile.  
>"So is that it you'll just avoid the issue?" Carver asks with a scowl fixated on his face.<br>I glare back at him. "I'm not avoiding anything Carver. Believe me, _you_ would be the first to know."  
>"Perhaps Meredith is right, you <em>are<em>naive." He shakes his head and storms out, muttering things under his breath.

Naturally seeing the manner of departures has Fenris confused. He looks back at the door and then to me eyebrow raised in intrigue.  
>"What was that about?"<br>"Something I don't feel like dwelling on at the moment." I press the bridge of my nose trying to put the matter behind me.  
>"Is there something you need?" My voice is unnecessarily bitter due to my recent company. I notice Fenris tense up a bit.<br>"Uh, I was just returning this book." He hesitantly presents The Legend of Calenhad that I let him borrow a few weeks ago.  
>"Crap, I'm sorry." I shake away my disposition and chuckle. "Did you want another one?" I start to walk to the study but stop, and scratch my head thinking. "But I think you've already everything I have…that's worth reading at least." There's a small moment of uneasy silence until a thought pops in my head. "Oh you know what I think I have just the thing." I smile and reach my hand out to him. He looks at my hand like some alien object then back to me. I give him a reassuring nod and once he takes my hand, we rush to my bedroom.<br>It takes a while and some rummaging, but I eventually find it.  
>"Ah! Here, this is one of my favorites." I hand the book to him. "Mother would read it to me from time to time…you know, when I was…ahem…younger." I look away, trying focus on fixing the mess I made while looking for the item.<br>His brow scrunches as he reads the title. "The Adventures of the Black Fox, are you sure?"  
>I wave the question away. "Yeah, I've read those stories so many times now; I practically know them by heart." I may sound like I'm in lively spirits but, this exchange feels awkward to me. We've been on better terms since that situation that started in the Hanged Man; however nothing has evolved more than just casual pleasantries.<br>He still seems edgy but he does his best not to show it. "Thank you." He turns to leave but stops and turns back around. "Hawke?" His voice is unsure as is his glance towards me. "Would you mind reading it with me?"  
>I'm surprised by both the question and the tone. But it's his eyes that make my heart melt. I take a seat on my bed slowly remove my boots and pull my feet in. I look at him and softly smile. "I'll never mind."<br>He returns my smile, faintly nods and walks over to the bed, taking a seat by my side.  
>What starts as both of us sitting at the foot of my bed reading eventually turns into us laying on the bed reading. We place the pillows in a convenient position to support Fenris's neck and back. I rest my head on his chest and we both take turns reading aloud.<br>While we're in the middle of a chapter, he closes the book and places it on the nightstand. Confusion sets.  
>"I understand if you would rather not talk about it, but it may lighten the burden." his tone is calmed, comforting.<p>

_You're right. I'd rather not talk about it. However, I would rather talk about it with you then Aveline and Carver._

I sigh, realizing there's no escaping this. "Well no doubt you've noticed the conflict between the Templars and mages has become more _heated_. "  
>"I've seen." he calmly states and thinks about the situation more.<br>"It does appear that there is only one outcome. You are a Mage and an influential part of the community. The day will come when you have to choose."  
>Again I sigh. "I know, but honestly I'd rather not take part in any of it. Both sides are so full of their own bullshit neither one of them can see straight."<br>I hear a faint chuckle as he nuzzles my temple with his chin.  
>"The only reason I would want to side with the Templars is if I wanted to be Viscount." I shudder at the thought. "I have no interest in politics or having any power over people."<br>"Hmm" his voice filled with reassurance. It appears he's happy with my statement, relieved even. I take some time to think and I can't help but giggle. "Another reason would be because it would probably piss Carver off to no end. Not only will he still be 'living in my shadow' as he likes to say, but I could probably make him do whatever I wanted." I smile thinking of all the silly things I could have him do.  
>Fenris however, is puzzled by the idea. "You would become Viscount just to anger your brother?"<br>I shrug. "It seems it would be the only fun I would get out of it."  
>Another chuckle, followed by uneasy silence before he speaks again, but his voice turns cold.<br>"Given enough time, Mages will eventually turn to demons and blood magic just to have more power at their disposal. It'll be best to end it before it gets worse. It's an obvious choice" He states, quite frankly.  
>"An obvious choice?" I move away from him. "I'm sorry am I hearing you right? You realize you're talking about executing men, women and children simply for something they may or may not do." I understand his hatred for Mages like the magisters of Tevinter, but is he really suggesting this?<br>He shakes his head. "It's never as simple as that, but you must think of the overall possibility."  
>I'm completely taken aback but try to keep my composure. "And what if it were me? What if we had never met and you made this 'obvious' choice. What would you do if we eventually clashed in the heat of the conflict, understanding how strong willed I am? Would you question my overall intent or would you run me through without hesitation?"<br>He's become frustrated. "That's not what I mean, and you know it."  
>I'm growing impatient. "What would you do?"<br>"You're different, you're not like them." he continues to skirt the question  
>"Then what am I?" I extend my hands out. Within seconds a fireball emerges from my palms. Just as quickly, I close my hands, extinguishing the flames. "I thought it was clear by now." I look him dead in the eyes. "What would you do?"<br>He looks away. I have my answer. I know if it were to happen only one of us would survive. I shudder trying to block out the 'what if' scenario.  
>I sink into the pillows and sigh in defeat. There will be no resolution here; we both know it. I take a moment to think and gently smile. Life is too short to dwell on these things, and at least we're talking more again. I look over to him, and he's still brooding. He has no time to react once I seize the moment. I straddle him and wrap my hands behind his neck. He looks at me mystified but not too annoyed to push me away.<br>"Is it alright if I change the subject?" I keenly tilt my head.  
>"I can't imagine to what." He grumbles.<br>I casually unhook the clasp to his chest plate. "Oh, I'm sure I can think of a few things."  
>His demeanor changes once he realizes my intentions. "Let's hope so. I'm very interested in what you might come up with."<br>I smirk as I kiss him, ready to take on the challenge.  
>He sits up, taking in more of me. For the moment our mouths are having a different conflict; each trying to assume control, mimicking and intensifying with each passing second.<br>Nimble fingers drift up my frame reaching up to softly pull my hair. My neck arches letting him sweetly assault the area. Sequences of kisses and gentle bites send shivers throughout my body. I feel my hips instinctively grind into his. A husky growl escapes him as he takes hold of my waist and rolls me on my back. He continues to kiss a trail from my ear to my collarbone.  
>I softly tug at his hair. "Fenris." I can barely recognize it. A deep voice filled with longing escapes me. "I want you."<br>He draws back and looks at me with the same desire. He puts his hand behind my neck and kisses me deeply, lifting me partially up off the bed in the process. "Then I am yours." he passionately whispers.  
>He begins to release me from my finery as I start fumble with the clips of his leather. "Too...many...buttons." I manage to breathe out.<br>"Hmph, you're one to talk." he replies loosening the belt of my skirt. His gauntlets scratch at my thighs as he pulls off both my skirt and under garment. "Ugh." He stops and looks up. "I'm sorry did I...?" My kiss breaks his sentence, providing him the answer. I am too delirious to the pleasure that I can no longer feel the pain.

I manage to undo the buttons. He breaks from me removing the top portion of his armor while I work on the rest. We roll again, allowing both of us to remove any last bits of clothing. I can feel the heat of him between my thighs. He is ready, but I won't give in yet.  
>I grab his hands and pin them above his head. He smirks and looks up at me enthralled. I know full well he could take control if he wanted, but I enjoy that he doesn't.<br>Slowly I lower myself onto him, but not completely. I take my time with him. I want this to last as long as possible, but more so, I want him to know what he was missing. He reaches out for my hips for relief but I stop him and pin his wrists back on the bed. He glares at me with lustful eyes. I only smile and continue to slowly tease him. But it feels too good, eventually I give in.  
>I release him and my pace increases as does our desire. He wraps his arms around my waist and I his shoulders. My fingers dance upon his back, slowly tracing the intricate designs there.<br>As he starts kissing my neck, I hear loving murmurs in a language I've rarely heard. I smile and gently bite his ear. A short hiss escapes clenched teeth and he tightens his hold around me. He responds by pulling me further onto him while his hips pulse up to meet my own.  
>"Shit!" I gasp arching my back for more, presenting myself to him. I bury my hands in his hair as he brings his mouth to my welcoming bosom. He equally takes time between them, replacing his mouth with a delicate hand when he makes the switch.<br>My body is shaking and he senses it. But he doesn't want to let go yet. In one swift motion he picks me up.  
>Surprised, I wrap my arms around his neck. He softly chuckles as he places me on my back. I bite back my quivering bottom lip as he pushes the weight of his hips into me. I sigh in content, my hands gliding down the contours of his shoulders as he continues his movements.<br>He hooks one arm with my own the other, hooking my leg. More and more he drives me mad with his motions. Quick then slow; such delicious torment. Payback for my games and I love every moment. I am his entirely.  
>I feel dizzy, my legs aching and my head is swimming within this indescribable pleasure.<br>His voice is unrecognizable. Quiet slurs of plain speech and Tevinter curses spill out in no order or reason. But within, I hear my name repeatedly.  
>"Luna!" he finally moans aloud as he tightly grabs my hips and pulls me in, thrusting deeper into me. It is all too much.<br>I'm not far behind as my legs clasp around him, sending me over the edge.  
>"Fenris!"<br>His head bows letting his hair gently brush against my breasts. He brings his hand to my hair while the other still caresses my thigh. Our bodies shake as the aftershocks take hold. For a moment, we are gone from the world. Glistening sweat and heavy, shaky breaths are all that remain.  
>I know not how long we stayed that way until we finally regain enough our thoughts. He brings his head up and I look at him, my eyes in a dreamy fog. He smiles and gently caressed my cheek before leaning in, burying his face in the crook of my neck. I giggle as my hands float to his hair.<br>Our breathing synchronizes as we drift away from the world.  
>True, I hate choosing sides but I'm perfectly content with the choice resting in my arms.<p> 


	5. Death of a Champion

_New chapter, yay...Oh the title?...I'll never tell... :-p _

* * *

><p><em>I never liked the Gallows courtyard. Each time I visited, it felt more unnatural; more ominous. I guess my perceptions were right. It's funny; I never thought I'd die here…<em>

"So, is this how it's going to end?" The Templar asks through heavy breaths. He's halfway leaning on his on his greatsword. His armor is badly singed but there's hardly any damage done to his body minus a few scrapes and bruises. I however have taken a knee, the only support I have is my staff. I'm so tired, my energy is nearly spent, but for some reason I laugh.  
>"Well, we're not frolicking around singing about love and sunshine. So, I suppose it was always meant to end like this." I reply as I fix the hair clinging to my cheek. I feel something running down my forehead into my eye. Irritated, I wipe it away. I look down at my hand and grimace.<p>

_More blood, shit. _

I glare at the Templar, my blood is boiling. He notices the wound and looks down on me with sorrow in his eyes.  
>"Sister…"<br>"Don't!" I can't stand to hear him anymore. Every word feel like another punch to the face, and I grow sick of it. "Don't start feeling remorseful now Templar. You choose your side as did I, so don't you dare feel sorry for me!" I attempt to stand in defiance of his moment of regret. In spite of the pain coursing through my body and my heart, I stand. The pain only feeds my resolve.  
>"You've wanted this for a long time, so don't deny it now. You keep saying want to be out of my shadow; then step out of it! I never asked for any this, but Maker help me Caver stop blaming me for your weaknesses!"<br>His jaw tightens, his glare becomes more intense, and I'm only fueling the fire. Good, I want him like this. So blind by anger that it confuses him, hinders him. I see his fists clench on the sword's hilt and his body tenses as I continue.  
>"You want to be your own person? Then stand up and be one; because I for one am sick and tired of your whiny bullshit!"<br>There is my catalyst. He yells, blindly charging towards me. I only have to wait for the right moment before I trip him with my staff. He falls hard. I hear the shoulder snap as well as his cry after. I cringe at the pain I've afflicted upon my blood, but I press on. While he's down I take the time to regain mana and to maintain distance. But it is for naught. He gets up quicker than I thought, and halts my attempt with his cleansing aura.

_Shit! I guess it's the direct approach. _

He charges again but my guard is up, ready to block with my staff. He brings the sword down hard but I'm able to stand my ground. The blade catches the metal guard in the staff, stopping it from completely splitting. Frustrated he leans in more, putting his whole body into his sword, compiling more pressure to the attack. I have to take a knee again as he adds additional force behind the weapon. It is here I can my brother's twisted face. His hair is wild, he growls bearing his teeth at me like a wild animal. His eyes are what scare me the most; full of so much anger and hatred.

_Bloody Void, he really wants to kill me._

My heart breaks as does my nose when his forehead connects to it. I'm knocked back, dizzy, surprised but still try to regain my footing and fight; horribly I might add. He notices my setback and he strikes out again. He swiftly lunges at me, shoulder striking my chest. I feel bones shatter and the air is taken from my body. My eyes fly open as I fall; my mind vibrates as my head raps the ground.  
>I shut my eyes to escape from the pain and find myself in another world. I see mother, father, Bethany, and Carver. We're all here; a smiling happy family. No fear of being ripped apart from each other. No jealousy or spite; just peace and comfort. I want to stay, however I know it cannot be.<br>My eyes finally snap open to witness the final blow. Seemingly in slow motion, I see him draw his sword upward. I sense enough power in me for one last attack. I lift my hand up and concentrate as his strike draws near. A single tear rolls down my face as I realize what I must do. A blinding light envelops us; all I can see is his face when I finally release my spell.

_Maker…is he crying?_

"Forgive me...Carver." My weak voice utters one last whisper before the light slowly fades away. Nothing remains but empty darkness.

"Luna? Luna!"  
>I feel hands shaking me. I wake a bit hostile but I stop myself once I see who it is.<br>"Fenris? Wha…?"  
>He looks over me confused and concerned. "A bad dream. You were tossing and mumbling in your sleep."<br>I tightly close my eyes and bring a hand to my forehead. "A dream?"

_Sodding Maker, it was only a dream. Why would I dream something like that?_

I quickly jump out of bed and look over my body, just to make sure everything's real and as it should be. Fenris looks at me with more worry. "Luna?"  
>"I just have to make sure." I run my hands through my hair, eyes wildly dancing about the room. "It just felt too real."<br>Fenris sits up on the edge of the bed and takes my hand. With delicate fingers, he traces little circles on the back of my hand.  
>He tilts his head as if studying it. "Does this feel real?" he asks.<br>"Quite." I state between soft giggles.  
>"And this?" He brings my hand to his mouth and gently kisses it.<br>"Very much so." I sigh.  
>He smiles and pulls me to him. He places his hands behind my neck and brings me into a loving kiss.<br>"And that?" he asks.  
>My eyes dart away as I take time to think about it. "Now that, that I'm not sure of; I may need more convincing." I fake a very studious look which is instantly broken by a smile.<br>He does well and plays along. "I can do that." he smirks.  
>I smile gliding my fingers up his arms to his hair, leaning in closer. I'm so lost in him I nearly forget my grim dream.<br>"Carver!" I pull myself away and reach for my robe.  
>Fenris's brow tenses in complete confusion. "Carver?"<br>I shake my head, trying to clarify further while walking towards the bedroom door. "Was in the dream. We were fighting..." my voice drifts off.  
>Reading my troubled body language, he walks over to me and takes my hand. "And?"<br>I look away. "And we kill each other." I look at him and I feel my eyes start to water. There are only a few times in my life where I've been this upset, or this scared. One by one, I've witnessed my family die around me. And regardless of how much as we fight, I really don't know what I would do if Carver were to leave this world.  
>Before Fenris has time to comfort me I hear the door. Instinctively, I rush out my room to the balcony. Bodahn spots me from the foyer. "Ah mistress Hawke, your brother is..."<br>I barely hear him as I run down the stairs and surprise Carver with an unexpected hug.  
>His eyes are wide, uncertain about what to do. "Luna?" he's rightfully baffled by the whole thing. I pull away, about to explain but Fenris does it for me.<br>"She had a dream. Apparently you two kill each other." His voice is surprisingly casual as he leans forward on the banister.  
>Carver's look towards me is odd to say the least. "That's sweet...I guess." I'm unsure if it's actual curiosity or sarcasm behind his voice. But the feeling is short lived as his voice takes a worried tone.<br>"Look, you have to get to the Chantry, Meredith and Orsino are at each other's throats again."  
>I wave the matter away, thinking nothing of it. "They're always like that. I think they just need to fu-"<br>He grabs my shoulders and shakes me. "Luna I'm serious, this is not like before!" I'm a bit shocked by his attitude. I've never seen him like this before, this really must be bad. I take a moment to think on the situation before eventually nodding in consent and walk back to my room.  
>"Just give me a moment to get ready. Let's hope we can stop this mess before anything crazy happens."<br>It doesn't take long before I'm prepared, and together we leave the estate hopeful for a resolution, praying it's not the final straw._  
><em>


	6. Goodbyes

_OMG this took way too long for me, I think this is my longest chapter, like ever... but thanks for waiting and reading. 3_

* * *

><p>"It's so nice of the Templars to give me an escort out of the city." I goad to Carver walking ahead of me. "Oh shut it." he snaps. "Cullen wanted to make sure you had an uneventful exit. So I'm stuck with you until you leave." I do find it interesting that Cullen allowed us leave without much of a hassle. But given the circumstance of everything that's happened I can understand why he would want us to leave as quickly and quietly as possible. I shrug off the thought and Carver's tone. "Given the company, I'd rather have him here then you. The view would have been much more, pleasant." Carver looks back at Fenris. "Are you hearing this? It seems your woman enjoys the sights of other men."<br>_Your woman?_  
>I glare at Carver then look at Fenris for his reaction. "My companion is her own woman, as long as she doesn't act on it she can <em>look<em> as long as she desires." he emphasizes the word look while glancing in my direction. I give my most innocent smile which I feel is not very convincing so I grab his hand and lean my head on his shoulder. "Well as long as I can act it out my desires on you, then I am content." Fenris smiles at my comment while Carver looks absolutely revolted. I however am happy that he finally decides to shut up. "I'm only joking. Besides I only have room in my life for one man with such a dislike for mages. Anymore would be too stressful."  
>"Really, and what about me? I am a Templar now; do I make your life more stressful?" Carver sarcastically smirks. I make an offended face and wrap an arm around his neck to which he instantly grimaced. "Why must you wound me oh brother? To say you have such a discord with me stabs at my heart." I dramatically boast while he tries to push me away from him. I giggle and release him from my grasp once we've made it to the estate.<p>

Fenris and I part ways so he can head to his mansion to retrieve any items he wishes to take with us. I fondly hope it's a casket of that lovely wine. Carver also decides to leave which is peculiar to me since he was insistent to 'watch me like a hawk' as I put rather comically however no one found it that funny. He only mumbled under his breath that he would meet me at the docks. "Oh, is there another Mage you wish to say goodbye to?" I charmingly prod. "Shut it." he hisses between clenched teeth turning away. "Maker Carver, you make it too easy." I softly laugh to myself as I step into the house.

It seems odd that I never truly realized how big the estate is until I'm walking through it for the last time. Also how it's mainly filled with piles endless crap I don't really need. I'm quickly able to shuffle through the items I'm taking and the ones being left behind. I make sure to bring some extra cloths and armor pieces, my journal, some books and a few potions just in case. I pass by mother's room and stop, stealing a moment to look at the door.  
><em>This may be the last time...<em>  
>I take a deep breath and enter the room. Everything in the room has remained the same. After what happened, I could barely bring myself to go in the room let alone change anything. It takes me awhile before I walk over the pristine bed and pick up a pillow. I run my finger along the soft silk before holding it close to me, but my fond memories are cut short.<br>_Maker, it still smells like her!_  
>I put the pillow down and quickly step away. I realize I should limit my time here or I'll be a mess when it's time to leave. I take another moment then walk over to her vanity. I smile as I remember how she would try to fix me up for some of the noble parties, but in the end it was no use. I never fit in with that crowd and she could see that. So after the first bad joke to the Seneschal, no more formal parties for me. A glint of metal catches my eye taking me away from the memories. I look over and notice mother's locket; the one I found in the foundry. I hesitate a couple times before I pick it up. I look at the locket as if I'm looking at it for the very first time. The front has a gold trim with a pearl inlay. The original design has faded a bit over the years but I'm still able to make out an intricate swirl pattern throughout. Inside are two images I plainly recognize, and to my surprise they've been painted rather well given the size of the locket. A part of me wonders if mother was the artist as I observe the pictures. As a child, I've seen her talent for it but nothing really like this. On one side is Bethany, Carver and I as children, our father's portrait is on the other. I run my thumb over the pictures, tenderly looking over them. "Oh, I miss you guys." I whisper to myself with a shaky voice. Reluctantly, I close the locket and carefully place it in a small pouch on my hip. I feel I have spent enough time here, any longer and I'm afraid I won't be able to leave. With a heavy sigh I walk out, leaving this past behind me.<p>

Varric arrives to see me off. He's decided to stay in Kirkwall, rotating between his suite and the estate. He and Carver both are willing to keep a lookout for any suspicious characters, or unexpected returns. We stand unsure outside the house for quite some time before one of us speaks up. "Are you sure you want to stay here?" I ask. He shrugs and smiles. "Hey chances are people are going to come snooping around here. Someone has to stay to give some kind of explanation, or kill them if they have ill intent." Jokingly, I start to pout. "But what if I go on adventures? Who's going to cover all the boring parts with amazing bullshit?" He lets out a hardy chuckle. "I leave that to you my friend" My smile slowly fades to an uneasy grin. "Look I know we're both horrible at all this emotional shit so I'll make this quick." I kneel down and give him a hug. As soon as I do, I find it will be difficult to let go. The quiet sobs catch Varric off guard. "Hawke?" My grip gets tighter and I shake my head. "I can't Varric. Besides my family you were the first person that ever saw anything in me, who actually believed in me." He sighs and slowly pulls me away. "Yes, and that's why I can see you're going to be fine without me." I sigh and my forehead touches his. I never thought how hard it would be to say goodbye to him. I suppose I never considered this day would come; I didn't want to think about it. We sit there for a minute before I take hold of his hands and nod. "Thank you Varric, for everything." He gently smiles. "Right back at 'cha kid."  
>I'm hesitant to leave, still holding his hand as I gradually walk away. Eventually we break, and I turn away. I try to stop the tears before they fall, and it takes all my strength not to look back at him one last time.<p>

I meet Fenris in front of his mansion frowning. He shares the same unsure look I had earlier when I parted ways from Varric. I take a step next to him and mock his stance; arms slightly crossed with his finger tapping on his chin, lost in his own thoughts. He takes no mind to my presence. He's either ignoring me or really doesn't notice I'm there. Feeling rather foolish, I except defeat and drop the act. "Are you truly ready to leave this?" I finally ask. "I don't think I know how. For years this was another thing I couldn't let go." He doesn't look at me. His eyes are still fixated on the mansion; full of loss. "This and the wine." I mutter under my breath. He gives me a faint smirk then focuses back to the building. For what seems like the longest time we stare. Finally I tilt my head, and smile at the one idea that keeps floating in my mind. "You wanna set it on fire?" I ask half joking but the thought intrigues me. He looks at me in disbelief but then thinks about as well. A devious smirk slowly makes its way to his lips matching my own; I think I have my answer. I try to concentrate a spell big enough for such a feat, but stop. "Wait, do you have any neighbors? We should probably try to contain this as much as possible." He ponders over it for a moment. "Hmm, not that I know of."  
>"Good, though I doubt it really matters anyway with all the rubble everywhere else" A wicked giggle escapes me as I call upon a raging inferno that quickly engulfs the mansion. I step back in amazement of the sheer power that has been unleashed. The motions of the flames are absolutely hypnotizing. The vibrant colors dance about the structure, gradually climbing to the top. Fenris takes hold of my hand and we watch as the place goes up in flames. I feel my breathing becoming heavy and I'm unsure if the heat I'm feeling is coming from fire in front of me or from my very core. I glance over to Fenris, who looks enamored with the sight of it all. His eyes move vividly over mansion, twitching back and forth from flame to flame. He tightens his grip on my hand as the fire rises higher. At the same time we look over to one another, lost in the moment, simply captivated with each other. With a loud pop from the blaze we embrace. Fenris pulls me in and deeply kisses me. I feel the world melt around us as I fiercely pull him closer to me. The sparks set kindle our passion; like a match our hearts are aflame. I feel as if nothing has the power to stop us now or ever.<p>

"Ahem..."  
>Except maybe Isabela. I'm not sure how long she had been standing there, but by the look on her face I would think long enough. I had also forgotten that Aveline wanted to walk us to the docks, and I must say this was not one of the best moments for the guard captain to catch me in. Her look is a pure mix of frustrated astonishment which only amuses Isabela more. "If you two arsonists don't mind we do have a boat to get to." she chuckles. I frown and let go of Fenris. However when we look back at each other we smile; ready to end this chapter and continue anew. We casually make our way to Isabela, and I mockingly pout at her. "You really do know how to mess up a meaningful moment." She shrugs. "What can I say; it's what I do best." she chuckles and turns away. I smile and continue to walk behind Isabela but Aveline stops me. "Shouldn't you...?" her voice drifts, half expecting me to pick up on what she's asking. "What?" I shrug. She glances over to fire then back to me and crosses her arms. I'm still somewhat surprised. "Aveline, it's the house of a degenerate slave owner and blood mage; a snake of a man. Excuse me for trying to give Fenris some closure." She frowns and her voice is more authoritative. "Hawke." I hate that voice. "But…" I start to protest but I realize my words will not sway her. Like a child I sulk over to the mansion and create a cone of cold spell to put out the fire. "Never let me have any fun." I mutter under my breath passing her. She shakes her head but I could see a faint smile on her face.<p>

The sun begins to set as we make or way to the docks. I stop dead when we reach Isabela's ship, marveling over the gorgeous sight before me. A massive vision of deep mahogany and dark oak leaves me in wonder. Completing it is a figurehead of creamy porcelain stone, arms stretched outward as if reaching for the Maker himself. I'm so taken Isabela must lift my chin up to close my gaping mouth. "Impressed?" she says with a smile. "It's absolutely beautiful." I say wide eyed. "I know" she beams. "I wouldn't want anything less since it nearly cost me my life." she takes a moment to look over her prize and smiles. "But she is a sight, and she's mine."  
>"Well isn't she a beauty?" Aveline looks on, equally impressed with the ship. "Jealous?" Isabela smirks. "That I have this magnificent creation at my hands and all you have left is boring cesspool at your disposal." The comment makes Aveline scoff. "Hardly, Donnic is the only magnificent creation I need." Isabela's brow perks up, intrigued by her statement. Aveline returns with a cheeky look that makes the pirate laugh. Then something unexpected happens; Aveline looks upon Isabela with heartfelt eyes. "For what it's worth, safe travels Isabela." Isabela looks at her confused but then she smiles and nods. "It's worth more than you know. Farewell Aveline." she begins to walk away then shouts over her shoulder. "Try not to tear up Kirkwall too much Mrs. Man hands!" Aveline rolls her eyes crossing her arms. "Shut up whore." Isabela laughs glancing over her shoulder. "That's my girl." she smiles and heads off to prepare the ship.<p>

I turn to Aveline who still looks a little upset with me for the fire I started. Unexpectedly I nudge her with my elbow and smile. "Admit it, you're gonna miss me." she only shrugs. "How can I not? You've always been there when I needed you and Xander's the best guard dog around. You're a true friend Hawke." she seems quite frank about the whole thing, but I know better. "Come on..." I egg on. "It will be a bit boring without you, I'll give you that." She finally smiles back. "There you go!" I gush, giving her a hug and a big kiss on the cheek. She laughs and playfully pushes me away. "Alright go on before I regret everything I've said." I laugh it off and notice Carver out the corner of my eye. As I suspected he's saying goodbye to Merrill. What I didn't expect was how he said it. I see him place a small flower in her hair, then whisper in her ear. She pauses and giggles. I laugh to myself, wondering if Carver decided to tell her something dirty after all. I find their awkward exchange endearing. Carver sees me staring and quickly frowns. He turns to Merrill and says a quick sweet goodbye as I walk over to them. I give a little smirk and nod to Merrill as she gets onto the ship, then turn to Carver. I can already see he wants to say something that's probably going to annoy me so I stop him before it happens. "Look, I know we haven't always been on the best terms, and sometimes we're constantly at each other's throats." He rolls his eyes at me. "Is this going somewhere?" My glare returns. "Dammit Carver, I'm trying to make this a meaningful goodbye. Could you not be an ass for like five seconds?" he starts to object but I put my hand up. "I love you ok. You're my only brother...my only real family left." Before I realize it, I'm crying. I try to calm my shaky voice but it's no use. I didn't think saying goodbye to Carver would be so hard. But I can't deny that I'm going to really miss him. He says nothing when he sees my tears. He only pulls me close to him and embraces me. Like a flood, all my emotions are let go. Father, Bethany, mother, Carver, my time in Kirkwall, I'm drowning in a sea of memories; good and bad.  
>When he lets me go, I attempt to get a hold of myself again. "Just do your best here alright, and know that I love you and I'm proud of the man you've become." I try to wipe away the remaining tears when Carver tries to find the words. "Thank you Luna...I..." I interrupt him with a kiss on his forehead then I place a hand on his cheek. "I know brother." We're like this for a few seconds before Fenris walks over to my side. He looks over to Carver and nods. Carver nods back and they shake hands. "You be good to her, she's a special one she is." Part of me wonders if he means that as an insult but the thought fades as Fenris looks at me and smiles, wiping away a tear on my cheek. "Always." His gentle tone warms my heart and I can't help but smile. Carver sees this and rolls his eyes again. "Alright, on the boat you two, you're starting to make me sick." My eyes narrow and before he can stop me I wrap my arm around his neck and start messing with his hair. "Oh come now, maybe if you stop man-whoring around, one day you'll find yourself someone that'll make even you want to feel like less of an ass!" He struggles as I manically laugh. I eventually let him go and pat him on the shoulder. "Goodbye brother. If it means anything, I'll miss the hell out of you." To my surprise Carver starts to laugh. "You're such a bitch sometimes." But gradually laughter stops. "But, I will miss you more than you think. Be safe sister." There's uncertainty in his voice, like he's afraid of something. I've never heard him like this; it scares me as well. I wonder if leaving him behind is really the right thing. But I know that this is probably something he needs more then I. For good or bad, I've already made a name for myself here. So, I guess it's time for him to do the same. I'm still scared for him but try not to let it show as I give him another hug and say my final farewell. Fenris takes my hand and we head towards the ship, turning away from Kirkwall.<p>

I feel a little relieved as we start walking up the planks. I'm somewhat glad to be away from this place. There has been many loses but I've also gained a few treasures along the way. A mixture of melancholy and accomplishment washes over me when we embark the ship. My mood quickly changes once I see one of our traveling companions.  
>Anders is sitting on a crate, resting his head on folded hands. I blink a few times, hoping my mind is playing tricks on me. Realizing it wasn't, I walk towards the crate, glaring at the unwanted guest on top of it. "What are you doing?" I harshly ask. From the look on his face, he's surprised at my presence. He turns to speak but it's Isabela who gives me my answer. "I told him he could come with us." she casually states. "He's in just as much trouble as we are." I fold my arms. "I would say more so since he blew up the chantry!" He scowls at me and stands up. "I stand by my decision! Something had to be done, and someone had to do it." His tone is cold and defiant, like he still has something to prove. It seems his last statement is directed at me, which only irritates me further. My hand balls up and before anyone could catch it, Anders is on the ground, holding his face. With my fist still clenched, I tower over him. "You know I was prepared to stand with the mages even before that little stunt you did! You could have told me." I notice a faint glow is quickly dissipated as he makes no effort to stand. "Why? You would have stopped me."<br>"Probably." I shrug. "But how would know if you never asked? There could have been some other option then that. We could have found-" Justice's glow returns along with Anders's anger. "How long would it take, and what lengths would you go to?" I'm unsure if it's Justice or Anders asking the question, and honestly, I don't care anymore. "I wouldn't have killed those people!" Justice retreats as Anders solemnly looks away. "You should have just killed me then." My face twists in disgust. "I'm not going to let you be a celebrated martyr. Better for you to live and come to grips with what you've done then to let you off that easy." With my last statement the air finally goes silent; neither of us has anything left to say. We're both suspended for a time before I finally relent. I sigh and reach my hand out to help him up. Hesitant, he looks at my hand and back to me before accepting my help. He shuffles about for a while, fixing his robes before he timidly coughs. "It does seem I am in your debt for sparing my life back there." I wave him off. "You owe me nothing. For the time being, I'm done with you." I turn away from him and head to my cabin.

I'm so angry I want to hit something. However, I don't want damage anything on the ship. So I just pace about muttering curses under my breath until seeing the sun over the water calms me down a bit. I run my hands through my hair and walk over to the window watching the sun slowly fall into dusk. Subtle hues of red and purple dance within the rays of orange and yellow; ultimately falling into the deep blue of the sea. I'm so enthralled by it all I'm caught off guard by a hand on the small of my back. I flinch slightly, but then hear a warm voice. "A little jumpy?" Fenris wonders. I give a weary smile and sink into his arms. "I was just thinking."  
>"What about?" he asks. I pause and look out the window again. "Everything."<br>"Mmm." He hums as he softly rubs my back. I turn into him wrapping my arms around his waist. I smile and rest my head on his shoulder. We stand there holding one another watching the sun set into the sea, wondering what awaits us beyond.


	7. An Unexpected Path

_Too much time for this one. Writer's block is a bish!_

* * *

><p>The calming sway of the ship, the distant creaking of wooden planks, powerful waves crashing against the bow, salty smelling breezes filling the cabin. Sailing for days, none of this wakes me. No, that power alone belongs to the one whose hand is between my legs. Gingerly dancing, searching, driving me wild. He is the only one who wields such power. The only one I yearn for, the only one I completely submit to. Both my strength and my weakness. I am putty in his hands so I feel it only right to return the favor. I straddle him but barely move. That is left to the gentle rocks of the water. Slow and intoxicating my movements become until it becomes too much. My name escapes his lips as the grip on my hips becomes tighter driving me onto him. I shiver as I reach my peak. My body crashes down on his; our lips meeting in a passionate frenzy. Our tremors slowly subside, and sweet sadness escapes me as I feel him escape me.<br>I rest my head on his chest and gently hum in content. He smiles and envelops me in his arms. I look out the window and to bright blue sky and the sun reflecting off the sea. I sigh, letting my fingers entangle themselves in his hair.  
>"You sir are the best wakeup call a girl could ever have." I jokingly purr in his ear. He responds with a chuckle but before he can speak there is a knock at the cabin door.<br>"Come on you two, this is no luxury cruise." It's Isabela, and it appears she's annoyed by our absence on deck. Fenris and I gaze at each other with loving eyes before taking our time cleaning up, and getting dressed before meeting our displeased captain.

The sun greets me as I walk out the door. I squint at its presence and bring my hand to shade my eyes. It seems Isabela's mood has lightened as she walks towards me.  
>"Good you're up." she says with a smile. "We'll be docking in a few hours."<br>I yawn aloud streching my arms as I do so. "What for?" I ask.  
>She looks over a ledger in her hands and I realize it's the first time I've seen her so coordinated and composed. I guess this is her in her natural element. She takes her time checking off the list in her hands. "Rations mainly. Food, water…"<br>"Rum, wine?" I intervene with a smile. Isabela giggles then thinks on it. "Maybe…O.K. yes that as well." she takes a moment to look over her clothes and frowns at a tear forming in the side of her blouse. "Hmm, some new cloths might also be good"  
>"We should also check our surroundings," Fenris decides to add in the conversation as he sits on a stray crate, delicately cleaning his sword. "make sure it's safe enough should we decide to separate." Isabela takes him by surprise by placing a hand on his head and tosseling his hair.<br>"Nice idea, I guess you're good for something sweet thing." He gives her a look of pure irritation while she places her hands on her hips and smiles.  
>"Mmm, he's good for a lot of things." I murmur under my breath as I lean onto the ship's railing. Isabela laughs but Fenris looks stumped as he misses the joke. He raises a brow at me to which I shrug, feigning innocence. He gives me another odd look, yet continues tending to his sword. I rest my arms on the railing looking out into the sea; letting the cool air flow over my face, breathing in the sweet smell of the water. I now understand the love Isabela has for the sea. It's calming and unpredictable, beautiful and deadly; it gives life but just as quick can end it. I part of me wants to stay; to sail until my final days, but I know I can't be on a ship forever. I turn around and lean back on the railing. My head hangs back, welcoming the warm rays of the sun.<br>"So where are we going anyway?" I ponder. Isabela gives me a wondering look then she casually walks over to a podium where a large cloth map lay on top. The map is riddled with points and plot markings; indicating where she's been and places she desires to go. She picks up a compass resting on the podium's edge and begins to study the map intently.  
>"Let's see, we've been sailing south west for a few days now right?" her tonge curls to the corner of her mouth as she figures our location. "That should put us near Jader."<br>My head snaps to her direction. "Jader? You mean we're in Orlais?" I ask fairly tense.  
>"Well, technically we're in Ferelden." Isabela shrugs with a faint smirk.<br>"But it's still…_Orlesian._" My eyes narrow on the final word. I'm beginning to feel a bit anxious but still willing to take on this new city.  
>With a deep sigh I look out to see the sun's haze over the water fading away. I can see the land coming into view. The buildings look much like Kirkwall's Lowtown only with much more color adorning the roofs and balconies. The dock is bustling with people. From this distance they take the shape of insects, harvesting for their queen, forever toiling to satisfy her need. The activity intrigues me as we get closer by each passing minute.<br>_Jader huh? This could get interesting._  
>My inquisitive nature continues as we finally come into port. While we get ready to depart, I notice Anders is uneasy. He's been shifting about the deck for the past hour.<br>"What's wrong?" I ask. He gives me a funny look. Understandable since it's been the first thing I've said to him in days. His eye contact only last a few seconds before it's concentrated on the floor.  
>"I think it would be best if I stayed here." He quietly states.<br>An eyebrow rises at his choice of words. It's not all the time that Anders considers his actions without Justice getting the way.  
>"Oh, why's that?" I ponder, knowing full well what he's referring to. It has to have been at least a week since that fatal night in Kirkwall, and given the gravity of the situation, I predict news has traveled fast about a certain apostate and his explosive departure.<br>"You know exactly what I'm talking about Hawke." He glares.  
>I put my hands up, shielding me from those hazel daggers and withdraw from our short conversation. "Alright, fine." I let it go and my eyes move over to Merrill who is sitting on a small crate, knees tucked in with her arms wrapped around them facing out to the water. Her melancholy eyes gazing in a reflective stare. My head tilts slightly by the sight of her meditative form.<br>"Merrill, what about you?"  
>Apparently I must have taken her out of her concentration by the way she jumps at my voice.<br>"Oh! Oh no, I wouldn't dare. I would probably get lost in an instant." she giggles nervously, scratching her head. "Besides, I was thinking about counting our bread rations...again." her cheerful voice is followed with a dismal undertone at the end of her sentance. In that instant, I feel sorry for her. She's practically lost everything she's held dear, and now she has to find her place in world all over again. I would ask her to come with us if it were not for Fenris's high disapproval of her. All I do is present a weary smile; half concerned half hopeful.  
>"Well then you have fun...with that." my tone sounds upbeat as possible, however it clear I'm faking it. Fenris and I leave while Izzy's left talking with the harbor master, no doubt convincing him to wave any docking fees.<p>

I'm surprised by the smell in the air. Not the stench of fish and sweat from the dock workers on Kirkwall, nor the canine musk from deep within Ferelden, but sweet incense and spices. I glance over to see the local market not too far from where we docked. Walking over to the venders I start to notice the glimpses from the townspeople. Some are friendly enough, yet others are puzzled and curious. The unwanted attention makes Fenris uneasy.  
>"The people here do seem quite...inquisitive. Would you think staying here would be wise?"<br>I try to shrug it off as mere curiosity though there's worry creeping in the back of my mind.  
>"I think they're more interested in you my dear." I reply while browsing over some accessories. "You arent very inconspicious." I smile at a funny looking hat which resembles those horrible pointed caps some mages in the circle wear. I grab one and place it on top of his head.<br>"Here, this is per..." I can barely get the sentence out due to a fit of laughter. Fenris on the other hand does not share in my joy and passes me a disapproving look. I slowly remove the hat and place it back on the stand.  
>"Oh hey look what's over there?" I quickly change the subject and head over to the inn across from the stand. "Did you want to see about a room?" I quickly walk ahead making Fenris play an unwelcomed game of catch up towards the inn.<p>

There are more stares greeting us in the inn. I ignore them while walking to the bar and wave over the innkeeper. A very well dressed, well groomed man with a holier than thou expression walks up. We may technically be in Ferelden but this guy has Orlais all over him. "Are you vacant? We may need a room for the night." I ask.  
>His brow raises at me, confused at the question. "Just the night?" he asks with his nose practically up to the ceiling. I look around at the dismile count of people then back to the innkeeper a bit puzzled. "Possibly more. Will that be a problem?"<br>He waves whatever he was thinking away and nods. "As long as your coin is good." all seems well until he spots something or someone it seems. "Wait is that a Mabari?"  
>I look down at Xander who gives me a confused whine. "Yes, he's hardly any trouble. Why do you ask?"<br>He shakes his head. "It's probably nothing; I've just heard few rumors of a fugitive traveling with a Mabari."  
>I make as little eye contact as possible and my hands start to fumble with a small trinket on the bar "Is he? Well rumors are like assholes everyones got 'em and some of them are dirty...at least that's what they say." I chuckle and look away increasingly anxious.<br>Yet another odd look from him as to say, "Who says that?" However he's eyes travel to my hound again. "The thing is; they're saying it's a woman." The manner in his tone makes it clear that he hardly believes the statement he just said. I figure even if the information came from a realiable source, I doubt he'd take it to heart.  
>My heart sinks thinking that I've already been found out and not even an hour in the city. I try my best not to be shaken by his words.<br>"Really? Well she must be a formidable woman then." I say flatly. The man shrugs, thinking nothing of it. I imagine he doesn't think on a lot of things. I smile to myself but in the corner of my eye I can see a tense gaze upon me. It seems Fenris is growing restless, so I decide to put an end to the pointless banter.  
>"Anyway, I'm Ferelden; almost all of us have a Mabari imprinted to us." I smile and pray to whatever god there is that this excuse passes. The innkeeper's look leaves my dog and focuses on me once more as I shrug in a matter-of-fact way. "It's like a thing we do, you know." I reassuringly nod until he does the same only slower and with a peculiar look about him. My coin is placed on the bar and our key is given in return, skipping any further pleasantries.<p>

Clearly the keeper's pricy style didn't reflect from the inn. Up the creaky stairs, we travel to our room. The key turns out to be unnecessary as the lock is partially broken from the door. It still locks, but there's not much point. I sigh in frustration as I force the door open.  
><em>What a piece of shit.<em>  
>The thought constantly runs through my head as we settle into the room. However its a step up from the hovel Gamlen had us in so I cant really complain. At least the bed looked comfortable, and had clean blankets. I place my belongings next to the vanity and saunter to the bed in noble fashion.<br>"Oh what an adventure! I've saved a city from itself, been at sea for days, and went shopping."  
>Fenris chuckles as I dramatically throw myself on the bed and let out a heavy sigh.<br>"I'm exhausted!" I may sound relaxed now, but something has been gnawing at me. Try as I might I can no longer ignore it. I frown as I prop myself up from the bed.  
>"Can I ask you something?" I look over to Fenris, watching as he carefully removes his chest plate with delicate fingers and places it on the vanity.<br>"Anything you desire." his warm voice is quick to answer while he works off one of his gauntlets. I sigh deeply thinking this is going to be harder then I thought.  
>"I wouldn't be so hasty, you may not like where this leads." I try to hide the grim tone in my voice but I doubt its working. Meanwhile Fenris finishes removing the remaining gauntlet and turns to face me.<br>"I'm listening."  
>I sit up from the bed, an uneasy look still prominent on my face.<br>"There are a few...concerns that plague me, more so since Kirkwall." I fumble with my fingers deeply concerned with what words to say, and Fenris's expression starts to match my own.  
>"I see." he states. I hate what I'm about to ask, but I just need to get it over with.<br>"Look, you saw what happened in Kirkwall, with the mages. Sometimes I'm just so scared that-"  
>"Hawke, you are stronger than any mage I've ever known. I doubt anything like that would happen." his reassuring voice warms my heart. For a moment I'm able to smile, but it's only a moment.<br>"It's kind of you to say that, but we both know anything could happen. I have thought myself strong enough but it only takes one mistake; one moment of doubt, even a traumatic event." I shudder at the thought and look away. My eyes close and I let the weight on my mind hang my head slightly.  
>"We've seen what one choice can change in a person, and now that we're being hunted...If we're caught...I could be…" I shake away the thought. "I'm scared Fenris, for both of us." I look upon him with uncertain eyes. I haven't felt this lost since mother's passing. He only frowns at me. I know not if it's because he knows where this conversation is leading or because it sounds like I'm associating myself with the magisters of Tevinter.<br>"Nothing will happen to you." he kneels down to the bed and takes my hand. I want to take comfort in his words but the thought is too prominent in my mind.  
>"Fenris, if anything should happen...if I become-"<br>I try to say more but he takes my chin and tilts my head up. I'm lost in pools of deep green.  
>"From the lowliest of peasant to highest monarch, I would kill anyone who tries to harm you." he whispers with a gentle smile. I place a hand on his cheek. I feel the tears welling but I manage to hold back. "You've been reading too much poetry again, but I get your point." I faintly smirk.<br>He chuckles and inches closer. I stare into his loving eyes but quickly look away. "Fenris, I need to know that you can do this for me." I force myself to look him in the eyes. "If anything changes in me, you need to end it." The demanding tone in my voice surprises me. I lean away while Fenris scowls and slightly reels back from me.  
>"Why would you ask this of me?" he asks, practically growling in building frustration.<br>"You're the only person that I can completely trust with something like this." As much as I hate to ask him this, I know he's the only one with the strength to do it. Even Carver with all his talk, wouldn't be able. Templar or no, I'm still his sister.  
>Fenris throws his arms up and steps away from me. "Do you really think I could do this? To destroy someone that I've grown to care for more than my own life." He paces about the room then his voice dips to a gentle whisper. "Someone I love for a mere possibility."<br>My ears twitch and my eyes narrow onto him. "What did you say?"  
>He looks at me puzzled. "Do you really think-"<br>I shake my head as I make my way towards him. "No, after that."  
>He shrugs a bit annoyed at my sudden concern about this. "A mere possibility?" Now I feel that he's just toying with me.<br>"Fenris." I whisper, gently running my hands upon the soft leather that hides behind his chest plate.  
>"Before that." I nuzzle my nose into his neck as he softly runs his hands up my back.<br>"Love?" he finally whispers still looking away.  
>"Yes." I say between a sigh and a faint smile. I place a hand on his cheek, bringing him to face me even though his eyes won't.<br>"Say it again." I whisper leaning into him, our lips barely touching.  
>"Love." he says again in a husky whisper. I close my eyes and let the word sink in.<br>"Thank you." I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.  
>"The mere possibility of becoming an abomination or being made tranquil scares me to death. To be a husk for a demon to use or to have everything I've felt be nothing but a distant memory. I would rather die than live like that." I look to him, eyes filled with desperation. "Please. I know it will be difficult, but I need you to do this for me."<br>He won't give an answer and his gaze sill avoids mine. I slowly back away from him, realizing the gravity of my request.  
>"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought this on you now." I turn away and head for the door. He takes hold of my arm and gently squeezes.<br>"Wait, where are you going?" he asks, looking upon me with uncertainty.  
>"I was thinking a bottle might settle the mood." I turn to him faintly smiling.<br>"But..." he begins to object but I interrupt him.  
>"I'm only going down stairs," I try to calm him but can see it's hardly working, so I relent a bit.<br>"Xander will be with me, just in case." my Mabari responds with a happy bark and trots over to my side. Fenris is still unsure about it but he can't really do anything else to stop me so he just gives me an uneasy smile as I leave the room. I hear the door click behind me and sigh deeply.  
><em>Well that went smoothly Lu, great job<em>.  
>Nerves like butterflies flutter in my stomach.<br>"Gah, I need a drink." I whisper to myself. Xander gives me a short whine and looks up at me.  
>"No puppy, the only drink you get is water. Remember when you got into the ale? Father was furious, took him weeks to get the sick from his shoes." I grimace at the memory while another whine escaspes Xander who lowers his head in shame.<p>

Advancing to the bar I notice it looks relatively busy. Either this is the town hot spot or news has gotten around to gawk at the new arrivals. I hear a few murmurs as I walk by but I pay no mind as I make my way to the bar. It takes awhile but I finally get the bartender's attention. Turns out my favorite innkeeper will also be tending to my drinks. I flash him a friendly grin, which he ignores completely, so I figure I should be quick about this.  
>"Yeah, you wouldn't have any wine back there would you?" He looks at me funny for a moment until I order a bit of brandy with it. He eventually nods and retreats to the back to retrieve it. I start to think that strange looks and awkward exchanges are all I'm going to receive with this one. I pause as I feel harsh eyes upon me but I try not to notice so not to draw too much attention towards my hound and I. Yet something doesn't feel right. Does it normally take this long for a drink? I think nothing of it when my order finally arrives. I don't want to stay here any longer then I should so I finish the drink quickly, pay my bill and head to my room with my wine. Shortly as I turn to walk up the stairs, I feel my legs start to give.<br>_Shit!_  
>Then I hear Xander's growl.<br>"No boy, you have to run. Get...Fen-" My words are cut short by the room's spinning. I have to grab onto the edge of the bar to keep myself from falling. I need to defend myself but I'm in no condition to cast for fear it might hit an innocent unintentionally or backfire on me. Just as I regain some composure, someone grabs my arm from behind. With the remaining control I have, I spin around and smash the wine bottle on the man's head. He screams and grabs at his face trying to claw away the glass. At that point there's more shuffling and more yelling.  
>"Get her out of here now!" a man's voice I somewhat recognize.<br>_The innkeeper? This was all just a setup. Was I a target from the moment I walked in?_  
>Cloudy thoughts invade as it seems the entire inn is either moving away from me or closing in. I attempt to pinpoint where my attackers are coming from but everything is swirling. Am I falling? But it feels like I'm still standing up. The world goes dark as I feel someone catch me. Fenris? No, this man's grasp is harsh and cold. I want to fight back but I can't see anything. Maker what's going on?<p> 


	8. Promise Me

_Luna finds herself in a troubling situation..._

* * *

><p>I wake to find myself on a cold floor bound by my hands and feet. My head hurts, my vision is fuzzy but I can hear shuffling and low distant voices.<p>

"Not too much fight for the fearless champion of Kirkwall." A man's voice; course as gravel and from his accent I would guess he's from Kirkwall. "I guess that drink worked." He laughs.  
>"Was there any doubt?" There's a different voice, smooth with a haughty undertone; Antivan maybe. There's a small pause followed by more shuffling.<br>"How's Gerald?" the Antivan finally asks.  
>I hear a distant rustle of someone walking into the room. "His face is cut up a bit but it's nothing compared to his temper." Another Kirkwall voice but younger than the first.<br>I try to shake myself out of the fog I'm in but it seems like it's only making it worse. I let out a groan of pure nausea which puts no halt in their conversation.  
>"I bet someone would pay good money for her." the Antivan smugly states.<br>"Maybe." the old Kirkwaller ponders. "Put her on the table. Who says we can't have some fun before we turn her in?"  
>I hear laughing and feel hands grabbing at me. I flail against them but the motions only further my sickened state. It doesn't take long before the room is spinning again and then darkness.<p>

My cheek is stinging when I wake. I'm on a table now. It feels like cold stone, almost like the ones certain healers use, or maybe a sacrificial alter. I hate to think on the second option. I move my legs but realize my knees are dangling from the edge. There's a shadow of a hand drawing back, but it stops short of its target; namely my face.  
>"Ah you're awake. Good, I no longer have to risk bruising my hand." This one must be Gerald, and from his tone, obviously Orlesian. I try to narrow in on the man but can barely make him out. My head starts nodding again until another sharp slap brings me back. I gasp at the strike but then scowl and struggle against my restraints. Apparently this amuses the men as they laugh at my resistance.<br>"Now don't try anything that would be unhealthy for your predicament." Gerald says with a foul smile prominent in his voice. "Your mage tricks won't work." His hand fastens to my jaw and turns me to face the shadowy figure at my side. Anger wants me to snap, fear and resolution tell me to wait. "See my friend over there's a Templar so try not to give him reason to put you down." He brings me back to him squeezing harder on my jaw. "Me, I don't care either way; I just want you to suffer." I feel the cold steel of a dagger graze my cheek and hot breath in my ear.  
>"They say you're one of the reasons why the Grand Cleric is dead, and why all those damned abominations think they do whatever they want." he inches in closer, I feel him pressing into me. My knee desires to drive up, but I'm good as dead if I let it happen. How long can I sit through this bullshit?<br>"And now you've damaged my face. Some crimes just can't go unpunished." The dagger makes its way to my cloths carelessly slicing away the fabric. My body tenses up as I feel cold air on bare skin. I thrash about trying to somehow escape from it, but it only makes it worse as the dagger creates shallow cuts in my skin. I sense myself screaming but I hear nothing. In desperation I try to cast anything but my mana is depleted. It hurts to even think about it. I try to look beyond him but then all I see and feel is the horrible twisted being behind him. Rage; taunting, teasing. I can't take it. Something in me wants to give in; to let go. Just so I can show these greasy bastards what real fear is. They will see what it is to be the victim, and they will know suffering. They will burn in my hatred. I smile inside thinking on the torment I can inflict upon them.  
><em>No! I cannot give in. Dammit, I can't slip.<em>  
>I shut my eyes until the vision is gone, but I feel thick fingers grasping at my thighs. I try to fight, to scream but I'm too weak; my strength is gone. Then out of nowhere I hear screaming that is not my own. I look over and see what appears to see a Mabari leaping onto one of the men, giant paws shredding his skin.<br>_Have I blacked out again? Am I already dead? Or perhaps I'm in the Fade.  
><em>There is a moment there is relief for I would rather be dreaming then to see the horror that's on top of me. I slowly open my eyes. I see I'm not dreaming and the screaming has stopped. I can only see a slender shadow walking over to the table reaching out to me. I feel lighter, like I'm being drifted away. My eyes are so heavy. Maker, just take me home.

* * *

><p>There are hands caressing my face along with a cold wet cloth gently attempting to wash away the recent agony. It seems someone is trying to wake me.<br>_No! No more, not again!_  
>I try to fight again. I lash out and kick. It is all I think I can do. But then I feel metal gauntlets on my face and the pinch of their sharp fingers in the back of my head.<br>"Oh!" My eyes snap open. I'm no longer exposed on a cold table but clothed, wrapped in soft blankets, back our room. The hazy vision before me turns into a familiar face. Green eyes filled with love are replaced with sadness as he looks upon me. For a moment I want a mirror, but the thought is quickly gone. A wave a relief and security rushes over me and I start to cry. Fenris cradles me in his arms until my emotion is spent.  
>"Fenris." my voice cracks. "Those men are they all..."<br>"Dead." He flatly says. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "Good." I whisper.  
>He starts to gently run his fingers through my hair. "From the lowest peasant to the highest monarch, I will kill anyone who dare try and harm you." he gently whispers as he tilts my head up to him. "Always, I am yours."<br>I faintly smile at his words realizing the truth behind the gentle eyes staring back at me.  
>"Thank you." I express through a shaky whisper.<br>He kisses my forehead, and rocks me until I go to sleep.

It's only a short amount of time before I slowly wake to a knock at the door. Fenris still has me in his arms and pays no mind to it until the knocks return a third time.  
>"Venhedis, it's open!" he shouts through the empty space in the room. It turns out to be Anders, either over his apprehension or simply willing to only travel at night.<br>"Isabela wanted me to tell you-" his voice cuts off when he sees my face and my eyes grow wide as I realize what he's looking at.  
>"Wait Anders -" It's too late my words don't reach him.<br>"You monstrous bastard!" Anders is quick to blame but Fenris makes no effort to face him.  
>"Cheap words coming from an abomination." he looks meditative even in this aggressive state. I can feel the energy flowing through him as his anger grows. I then look to see the power collecting in Anders's hand directed at Fenris.<br>"Somehow I knew you would be her downfall." he scowls advancing toward us.  
>Fenris releases his hold on me and stands from the bed.<br>"I would think that letting you live would be her only mistake." he takes up his sword and slowly makes his way toward Anders.  
>There's no time to think so I create a barrier around Anders and quickly scramble in between them. "Look, this is just one big misunderstanding." Sleep has softened my nausea, but not enough as I stumble between them.<br>Anders looks at me dumbfounded. "Hawke, your face." he reaches out but I shake my still dizzy head.  
>"I know, but he didn't do it."<br>He's still unconvinced. "How am I supposed to believe that?"  
>I glare at him and the constant annoyance this rivalry has produced. "Anders, I have never had a reason to lie to you before why would I do it now?"<br>"Because it's him," his accusing eyes still fixated on Fenris, "a dangerous animal needed to be caged and still you would do anything for him, Maker knows why."  
>"I love him Anders." the words fall so fast, there's hardly time for anyone to register them. "Please believe me when I say he had nothing to do with this." I take hold of his arm trying to pacify this conflict<br>Fenris however, is merely waiting for a time to strike.  
>"Let him go. If he's so eager to walk into his own death, so be it."<br>"Fenris." I begin to plead. He looks at me then back to Anders and shakes his head. In time, he puts down his sword. His glow is gone but the hostility remains.  
>"You have too much sympathy him Hawke, ever since..." he stops himself but I know what he's referring to. I just can't believe he would consider it.<br>"You are not going to bring that up now?" I ask hurt at his incriminating words. He looks away from me. There is regret in his face but it's mixed with a defiance I know so well.  
>"I can't imagine you actually still believe..." I'm so puzzled by this I can't even think straight. "After everything we've been through you still think I might have some feelings for Anders?" Still nothing and now both men are looking to me for an answer. But I hardly feel the need to satisfy their curiosity.<br>"Fine!" I quickly grab my cloak as the barrier falls. "Have at it. Kill each other for all I care; that way no one wins!" I storm out of the room before either of them have the chance to stop me. Not even Xander has an opportunity to follow but I doubt he would want to. I walk out into the cold night fuming. I realize there's only one place that I can go.

* * *

><p>I knock on the door a few times; hopeful someone's here. I sigh in relief it finally opens, and a sleepy eyed Isabela answers the door.<br>"Do you have any idea what time it-Shit, Luna what happened?" Even with the dim light cast from a lantern exposes my bruises. She reaches out with worry filled eyes but I sheepishly push her hand away. I try to explain but my words only come out in incoherent sobs. Isabela looks at me confused trying desperately to figure out what I'm saying. Eventually she gives up and figures the remedy.  
>"Oh Lu, do you need a drink?" her voice full of comfort.<br>I nod, and she stretches out her arms, welcoming me to her warm cabin and chilled wine.

After a couple hours of crying, explaining, drinking and re-explaining, I stumble from Isabela's cabin. "Are you sure you want to go back?" her concern for my safety is endearing but the combination of my stubborn nature and wine get the better of me. I tell her I'll be fine and she shouldn't worry. Isabela is persistent but in the end she relents and lets me go as I'm more adamant with my protests. I revel in my victory as I cautiously make my way off deck.  
>"Imma big girl, I can take care of myshelff." I slur a declaration while walking back to the inn. However I find out how wrong I am as a group of men emerge from an ally I pass. It doesn't take long for them to catch up to my faltering progress, or for their comments.<br>"Well where are you going little one?" one loudly asks.  
>"Somewhere you aren't for a start." my comment gives them a laugh. I guess they think they're being charming because the advances continue.<br>"Oh what's wrong wit' us? A pretty thing like you needs some company." the obvious leader of the pack blocks my way a dirty grin forms on his face. My buzz is lost and frustration sets in.  
>"Find another; I'm not in the mood." I try to wave him away, but he persists.<br>"Really? Well you better get in the mood." he pushes me back into a wall while the others circle.  
><em>Again? This is really not my day.<br>_I roll my eyes before grabbing the man by the collar of his shirt. He looks at me triumphant; I look at him in disgust.  
>"You really don't wanna do this." I warn as he steps closer to me. The smell of smoke and horrible hygiene makes me want to vomit.<br>"Really and why's that love?" he asks. My grip gets tighter as I glare him down.  
>"First thing, don't call me love." With a smirk I light the shirt on fire. Nothing big, just a little something for him to think about; he doesn't. He strikes me hard and I fall to the ground. I push myself away from the earth as the rest circle around me again. I taste blood in my mouth. I glare up at them, magic focused in my hands while my attacker puts out the remaining embers on his tunic.<br>"You just made your last mistake girl." The leader scowls and advances again.  
>"No, I believe you did."<br>Anders. His clear voice followed by familiar shadows appears from the darkness. At that point everything else happens in a blur. A wave of ice erupts from the ground freezing the men around me then a bright flash swiftly passes, shattering them all before I can blink. After the fray I'm still on the ground, propping my body up with my arms.  
>"Wow, twice I'm being rescued? Epic fail on my part." I chuckle and try to get up but my body has other plans. Both men reach to pick me up as I fumble.<br>"I've got you." Anders says softly but Fenris harshly nudges him out the way.  
>"No, 'I've' got her mage." like clockwork, the glaring begins again. My head rolls back and I put my arms up.<br>"Sodding Void! Will _someone_ get me?" I slur. Fenris eventually takes me up in his arms. I smile in thanks but he's too annoyed to acknowledge it. I frown at his demeanor but then try to lighten the mood.  
>"I don't really know what all the fuss is about to be honest; I love you all." I say with a shrug and a faint smile. Both men give me a funny look but Anders is the one to speak up.<br>"How so?" he asks, obviously trying to humor my drunken state; which I play into perfectly.  
>"Well Anders, you're determined and selfless. Minus the royal shit you took in Kirkwall, your heart is actually in a good place and you love the furrier things in life"<br>"You mean finer?" Fenris corrects. I frown again shaking my head.  
>"No furry, he likes cats" I say in a very direct voice. Anders chuckles, Fenris scowls. My words are followed by another moment of silence.<br>"And me?" Fenris now wants in on the discussion.  
>"Oh you," I beam. "You take work."<br>He is taken back by my comment but I giggle and continue to explain.  
>"I'm constantly finding new things about you while patching up others. You give me headaches, but know how to take them away. Yet in the end, here we are and all that work and waiting is worth it." I place my head on his shoulder nuzzling my nose in his neck.<br>"You're worth it." I whisper. I finally get a smile from him. Meanwhile I can tell Anders wasn't too happy with my response, but I'm too drunk to care at the moment.  
>"Just promise me you won't kill each other, I would be severely put out" Yet another prolonged quiet leaves me annoyed. "Promise me." I say again sternly.<br>"I promise." they finally both mumble under clenched jaws looking away. I'm unsure if they mean it, or if they were just saying it to shut me up. However it's hardly important because in a matter of minutes we're back in our room. Fenris gently lays me on the bed and covers me in the soft blankets. Instinctively I curl up in them, a wide grin on my face. Before I completely pass out I see Anders approach the bed. Fenris is fast to try and stop him but Anders just ignores him. He kneels down next to me and places a hand on my cheek, healing the small cuts I recently acquired. I sigh in dreamy content as I start to drift away. I close my eyes but I can hear Anders's robes shuffle as he stands up and makes his way towards the door.  
>"This changes nothing mage." Fenris growls.<br>"Not between you and me it doesn't." There's a smile in Anders's voice almost hopeful. It's the last thing I hear from him tonight.  
>Nevertheless, Fenris is grumbling and cursing under his breath as he joins me in bed. I turn over and face him, my eyes barely peeking out of the covers. He looks at me angry at first but then he softens once he realizes which mage is in front of him.<br>"What?" he asks at a loss. I bring the rest of my head out of the covers and kiss him, slowly opening my eyes as we part.  
>"I love you." I smile and like a kitten longing for company, I nuzzle my head in his chest before he can respond. Silence takes over as he accepts me into his arms. A hand makes its way to my hair gently scratching until I find myself falling asleep. The last thing I hear before my eyes truly close is his gentle chuckle and a soft whisper.<br>"And I you."


End file.
